Friday, August 20, 2010

Turning Back Time

Technically, I should be preparing for Sunday school, working on the Christmas program, and working on my devotional and lesson for my teen girls class, but I decided to take a break from all of that to do this post. I got the idea from it from a blog that I read, Heart and Home. She did a post that I am basing this off of because I liked it so much.

One week ago...
I'd be waiting to talk to a friend on Facebook, only to be disappointed when he wasn't very talkative, which would make me worry that something had changed. I would cry, and then go to bed hoping this would be different in the morning.

One year ago...
I would be down at college, just having moved into my dorm room, excited about the year to come, but also nervous. I would have just spent the previous night at my college family's house, having a blast watching movies and playing games with my "mom," "little sisters," and "big brother." I would be meeting my new roommate, and having fun sharing memories with my old roommate. I would still be very much in love with a guy who did not  like me, and who had no idea that I felt that way about him. I would have no idea that in just a couple weeks, I would be forced to face reality, and would have my heart broken because I carelessly gave it away.

Five years ago...
I would be a young girl of fifteen, not having a care in the world. I would be getting ready to start tenth grade, thinking that I was going to graduate from high school and go to Pensacola to major in Nursing, having no idea that in just a year, my  plans would drastically have changed and I would be instead looking forward to going to Ambassador to major in Church Secretarial Studies and preparing to go into the ministry.

Ten years ago...
I would be just a child, only ten years old, thinking life was grand. I would be getting ready to go fishing with my dad the next day, ever the tomboy. I would think boys were  disgusting. I would be getting ready to start my last year at the Christian school I attended,  going into fifth grade. I would have no idea that the next year I would be home schooled, and  would instead be looking forward to getting involved in sports. I would have no idea that in just over a year, life would change dramatically all over the country due to the World Trade Center, as well as the Pentagon, being attacked by terrorists. I would have no idea that in just over a year, America would be at war, a foreign concept to me because of the peace we'd had since soon after I was born.

Fifteen Years ago...
I would be very much a daddy's little girl. I would be the little girl with a sucker in her mouth and a fishing pole with a fish on the end in her hand, like I was in the picture that is a favorite of my dad's. I would still fall asleep at nights sitting on my dad's lap, watching Little House on the Prairie. I would be excited about getting ready to  start kindergarten in just a few weeks.

What I didn't know 
back all those years ago
is that life is difficult, 
sometimes filled with pain, 
with sadness, 
with loss, 
with joy, 
with love, 
and with change.

Do I wish I could go back?
Sometimes. Some days I long to be that little
girl once again, so proud of the fish she'd caught,
with not a care in the world.

But I think that if I truly had the chance to go back,
I wouldn't. "I could have missed the pain, 
but I'd have had to miss the dance."
(from The Dance, by Garth Brooks)