Turning Back Time

Technically, I should be preparing for Sunday school, working on the Christmas program, and working on my devotional and lesson for my teen girls class, but I decided to take a break from all of that to do this post. I got the idea from it from a blog that I read, Heart and Home. She did a post that I am basing this off of because I liked it so much.

One week ago...

I'd be waiting to talk to a friend on Facebook, only to be disappointed when he wasn't very talkative, which would make me worry that something had changed. I would cry, and then go to bed hoping this would be different in the morning.

One year ago...

I would be down at college, just having moved into my dorm room, excited about the year to come, but also nervous. I would have just spent the previous night at my college family's house, having a blast watching movies and playing games with my "mom," "little sisters," and "big brother." I would be meeting my new roommate, and having fun sharing memories with my old roommate. I would still be very much in love with a guy who did not  like me, and who had no idea that I felt that way about him. I would have no idea that in just a couple weeks, I would be forced to face reality, and would have my heart broken because I carelessly gave it away.

Five years ago...

I would be a young girl of fifteen, not having a care in the world. I would be getting ready to start tenth grade, thinking that I was going to graduate from high school and go to Pensacola to major in Nursing, having no idea that in just a year, my  plans would drastically have changed and I would be instead looking forward to going to Ambassador to major in Church Secretarial Studies and preparing to go into the ministry.

Ten years ago...

I would be just a child, only ten years old, thinking life was grand. I would be getting ready to go fishing with my dad the next day, ever the tomboy. I would think boys were  disgusting. I would be getting ready to start my last year at the Christian school I attended,  going into fifth grade. I would have no idea that the next year I would be home schooled, and  would instead be looking forward to getting involved in sports. I would have no idea that in just over a year, life would change dramatically all over the country due to the World Trade Center, as well as the Pentagon, being attacked by terrorists. I would have no idea that in just over a year, America would be at war, a foreign concept to me because of the peace we'd had since soon after I was born.

Fifteen Years ago...

I would be very much a daddy's little girl. I would be the little girl with a sucker in her mouth and a fishing pole with a fish on the end in her hand, like I was in the picture that is a favorite of my dad's. I would still fall asleep at nights sitting on my dad's lap, watching Little House on the Prairie. I would be excited about getting ready to  start kindergarten in just a few weeks.

What I didn't know 

back all those years ago

is that life is difficult, 

sometimes filled with pain, 

with sadness, 

with loss, 

with joy, 

with love, 

and with change.

Do I wish I could go back?

Sometimes. Some days I long to be that little

girl once again, so proud of the fish she'd caught,

with not a care in the world.

But I think that if I truly had the chance to go back,

I wouldn't. "I could have missed the pain, 

but I'd have had to miss the dance."

(from The Dance, by Garth Brooks)

Stephanie

For some reason I have been really missing Stephanie a lot today. I don't know why, it's not like today is really any date that has any significance or anything. It's two months until her birthday, but I didn't realize that till I looked at Facebook, so I don't know what's causing me to miss her so much today.

It is so hard to believe that the end of this month, she'll have been gone for three months.It still doesn't seem possible that she is gone, even though it has been nearly three months. It still seems unfair, but I am accepting that God knows best, and that He has a reason for taking her home to be with Him.

I was trying to think of some of my favorite memories of Steph, and here are a few that I thought of:

 -Her love of pigs-She raised pigs every year for the fair since I could remember. She loved her pigs, and even won first place in Nationals at Bob Jones University for a sculpture that she did of a pig.

-Her love for her family-She loved her family very much, especially her niece, Megan. Her family ended up adopting Megan for various reasons, and she and Megan were so very close. Steph was also close to both of her parents and her brother Westley. One of the last things she said to me was that when Westley got married, she'd probably be crying like i was at Holly's wedding. Westley is now engaged, and Stephanie won't be there to see her brother get married.

-My very first memory of her is from fourth grade, when she started attending the same Christian school that I did. We nicknamed her the "hairbrush girl" because she always carried a hairbrush in her back pack and was constantly brushing her hair.

-She loved her friends so much. If any of her friends ever had a problem, she was always there for them with a hug. Her hugs always made anyone feel better, no matter what the problem was.

Those are just a few memories that I have of her. You may not care to read this, but writing about stuff seems to help me feel better. Anyways, it is off to bed I go...in a little while, at least. I'm waiting for a reply to a txt to I sent to a friend first, and hoping that the reply is what I'd like it to be, but trying not to get my hopes up too much...Goodnight, blogging world