Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Lord's Will

If it's the Lord's will, then how can it be so hard to accept? Why does it hurt so much? I've been asked that question by a couple of friends, and each time I didn't know how to respond, mainly because I had never had those feelings before. But now, I know exactly how they were feeling and how hard it was for them because I'm going through the exact same thing. It's not an easy thing to go through, by any means.

It's been almost two weeks now since I first asked those questions, and it hasn't gotten any easier. I still don't know the answer to those questions. I was so happy with the way things were going, so sure that it was the right thing, then, suddenly, I was confronted with the fact that it wasn't God's will. I couldn't believe it. Not God's will? I had been so sure it had to be God's will; after all, I was happy and content with the way things were going. I didn't understand how it could possibly be any thing other than God's will.

I was devastated. I cried. I cried a lot. However, that didn't help. The only thing crying did was remind me even more of the pain I was going through and of what I had lost. I couldn't figure it out. If it was God's will, then why did it hurt so bad? Why was my heart so heavy? Why did my heart heart feel like it had shattered into a thousand pieces?

The one thing that did help was turning to God for answers. I sought comfort from the one place i knew I could find it, God's Word. I opened my Bible first of all to my life verse, Isaiah 40:31. "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint." That verse brought me so much comfort, because i realized that if I looked to the Lord and trusted Him, then in due time, He would give me the strength to go on.

The next verse that I saw was right across the page. I had read it before, but never had it spoken to me like it did when my heart was so troubled. "Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

And so it continues, with the Lord leading me to verse after verse after verse. Every verse that I read was exactly what I needed at that time. Even verses that I had read before and had memorized as a little girl held new meaning for me.

Although that period of time was, and still is hard, it helps to know that I have a wonderful God right there with me. He will always be by my side. It reminds me of a well-known poem, Footprints in the Sand, by Mary Stevenson. The last few stanzas of the poem are:
"'Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me.' He whispered, 'My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.'"

That poem has never meant more to me than it has in these past couple of weeks, because I know that the Lord is carrying me through this trial. Even though I still don't understand why, or how it can hurt so much even thought it's His will, He knows. Although I still cry, and although it still hurts and it will hurt for awhile, I know that God is right beside me, ready to help me whenever I ask.